Never Stopped Loving You

The Harris Sisters

Noelle Harris is close to shutting herself down when it comes to finding love. She needs a break after opening up to a man who couldn’t give her what she needed. Again. She’s convinced that it’s not time for her. That’s until her neighbor moves in next door and attempts to move in on her heart.

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Sample #1

Prologue – 5 Years Ago

Noelle

Jamie Cortez was on his way to my apartment after being gone for nearly a year. That had been the longest that he’d been away without visiting at least once. Tonight, I had a proposition for him. One that I prayed he would be in the same headspace as me and accept.

Year after year, we played this game as if the truth didn’t show its face each and every time we were together. He was mine, and I was his.

Ever since Jamie left Houston to attend a college in New York, we have been on and off. Tez decided at the last minute to spend time with his father after we graduated. The same father that left his mother high and dry when he was a toddler.

As selfish as it sounds, he made me feel like their non-existent relationship, at the time, meant more to him than ours. That pill took a couple of years to swallow, but I had no choice. The very person I’d swear until my face turned blue would be my everything and eventually my husband, bounced.

So that on and off thing meant that whenever he came to town, I would let him in. And when he left, someone else took his place physically, but never in my heart.

I accomplished many of my life goals at only twenty-five, all except the man I desired and yearned for day and night. I wanted more than a few nights of passion here and there, or phone calls that came too far apart. We were both busy professionals, however, I’d make the time and give us a real shot.

As expected, my phone rang instead of him knocking. I never understood why the man wouldn’t knock on the damn door, but it didn’t even matter. He’d finally arrived.

I opened the door and found the sexiest man to walk to the earth. My baby. Jamie freaking Cortez.

“Ahhh! Hey you!” I squealed.

Tez picked me up and held me tighter than ever. I felt claimed. I belonged to him, even after a year apart.

No kiss?

“Damn, I missed you, Noe. You look…” He bit his bottom lip. I guess the short form-fitting shorts, and a sleeveless top that hugged me tighter than he did was worth throwing on. “Shit! You got thick.”

I hit his shoulder. My muffin top left some months ago thanks to my new waist trainer and the gym, but loneliness settled slightly different this year. And so did my eating habits.

Momma planned to retire soon which made her pick at me about being her only unmarried daughter. That attitude limited my time with her, I was too young for that kind of talk, and I didn’t want to hear it either. My little sister celebrated her fifth wedding anniversary. I was happy for Nina, but her perfect life made Momma get on my case. Not to mention my best friend, Lyric, and her man, Wade, were going strong.

And then there was me.

I was the oldest of the bunch with a depressing body count since many of those bodies weren’t even worth the extra number. They never compared to Tez.

“Shut up, idiot. Hi to you too.”

“Nah, I mean, you look good. I was wondering if you’d ever grow out of them chicken legs. Now you workin’ with turkey ones.”

I slapped his chest and laughed along with him. “Whatever stupid. I look good.”

“Hell yeah, you do. I ain’t complaining.”

“Mmm-hmm. Sounds like it to me.”

“Trust me, I’m not.” He stepped into my apartment since we did all that in the doorway. Assessing my place, he grinned. “Almost ready to move into your first home, I see.”

“Yeah. Not too much longer.” I sent him a warning text earlier, telling him that he had to excuse the boxes everywhere.

“Thought you’d be back home with your mom by now. I’m proud of you.”

I flipped him the bird. “Whatever.”

He chuckled. “Not yet, baby. We got some things to talk about.”

I rolled my eyes hard, in an attempt to mask the hike in temperature at the image of us together. “Ain’t nobody tryna do nothing with you.”

Tez sucked his teeth. “Stop lying. You getting all bothered over there.” He waved toward the side of the sectional I plopped down on.

My townhome only had three weeks to go before completion. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs and a half bath downstairs. More than enough space for me and myself.

“Anyway, we do need to catch up. I want to run something by you.” My heart attempted to jump through my chest. He could say no, but then again, why would he? We’d been playing this game long enough for us to recognize it was time for something serious.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He fell onto the other end of the couch.

The other end? Where were his things?

“Your bag’s in the car?”

Tez’s deep brown eyes narrowed. “Nah, um, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“You’re not staying over?” I tried not to sound too dispirited.

“Noelle, it’s been a while since we last saw each other. And we’re getting older, so our little sleepovers are played out. Know what I’m saying?”

“I guess. I kinda wanted to discuss that anyway. Like you said, we are getting older and desire different things than we did in the past. We’ve matured, and so have our needs.”

“Exactly. I’m glad we on the same page.” Tez clasped his hands together, wearing a relieved smile.

“Me too. I mean, how long did we really think we could keep going at this pace? We weren’t getting anywhere.”

He sighed and bowed his head. “Right.”

“So, what do you want to do? I don’t mind a long-distance relationship. We both want the same thing, and soon enough, one of us could move. I don’t want to do life without you. I really miss having you around. I need to see you daily.”

Tez cleared his throat and rubbed his hands down his jeans repeatedly. “Um…Noelle, I love you. Always have and always will. But I…”

But?

That knocked the wind out of me. Jamie didn’t want me. Did he ever? I made it too damn easy for him to get in. He had no reason to tell me the truth.

I hopped up, darting for the freezer in search of something strong to assist me with this shit. What did I expect? He’d jump all over me and be like, “Yes! Marry me. You were always the one. I never should have left you in the first place”?

Yeah fucking right. This was exactly what I deserved. I dogged a lot of good men out for this one. Turns out, he didn’t even want me for more than what I willingly gave him with no effort on his part.

Daddy used to say that no one really appreciated what they didn’t have to work hard for. All Tez had to do was show his face, and I threw my panties at him. Dammit, Noelle.

I took a shot of some tropical-flavored vodka that I bought for his non-drinking ass. I threw another one back before he met me in the kitchen.

“Noe, what are you doing?”

Waving toward the door, I lifted myself onto the counter. “Waiting for you to finish dumping me so you can get the fuck out.”

“Dump? We ain’t together. You made that clear by fucking other niggas when I’m not here.”

My eyes almost popped out of my damn head. “What the hell else was I supposed to do? Wait until you manned the fuck up? Plus, I see you on IG, so don’t play innocent nigga.” I hopped down, preparing to push him out if he said something wrong.

“You ain’t see shit. I took pictures when I went out. That’s it.”

I crossed my arms to avoid putting my hands on him. “So, now you think I’m stupid?”

“Yeah, you are. If you think I fucked every female I took a picture with, you dumb as hell.”

“Yo momma, you punk ass mutha—Mmm…” I had to regroup, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “Never mind. I don’t even know why we’re fighting.” I sat the shot glass in the sink and snickered.

“What the hell is so funny? You can’t expect me to be okay with niggas touching you. If you were my girl, you wouldn’t do that shit.”

“Like you gave me any choice, Jamie. You up and left, then dropped in whenever it was convenient for you. We both saw other people. So, don’t act like you’ve been waiting on me for even a second.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’ve been straight up with you. You said you didn’t want a relationship.”

“Oh my gosh, Jamie! That was six years ago. I was mad at you. You were talking about some other girl to me like my feelings ain’t mean shit. So, yeah, I pretended to be numb because at least you were talking to me. At least I got a piece of you since I couldn’t have all of you.”

He remained quiet for a minute. Maybe he didn’t see it. We assumed the roles we played by assuming how the other felt.

I sat on the edge of a bar stool. “Why else would I drop whoever I was talking to for only a couple days of your time? I broke it off with dudes to make time for you and your random visits. So, don’t stand there and act like you didn’t know what I wanted.”

“But I didn’t.” He stretched his arms out before him. “All we did was hang out. And I was the one always pushing to make love. You played hard to get every time like—”

“Like I wanted you to prove that you wanted me? If you put forth minimal effort, at least that was something. Most of the time, all you had to do was show up, and I gave you all of me until you had to leave.” I laughed again, realizing how naive I was. “I really thought we had something, Jamie. My stupid ass believed you loved me. You only wanted my body as long as it came with no strings attached. My momma was right about you. Hell, everybody was right about you. But no! Not Jamie. He loves me for real. He’s only waiting for the right time. That’s what I told them while looking as dumb as I feel right now.”

Jamie grabbed my arm. I yanked it from him. “No! Don’t play with me. Tell me the truth. It already hurts, so you might as well say it and make it official.”

“Noelle, stop this.”

I walked past him, and he pulled me into him. I hated how good he felt against me. “Let me go, Jamie. Get out!”

“Noe, please. Listen to me.” He held me closer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to go this way.”

I broke free from him. “Yeah, you did. And it’s okay. That’s on me for being so blind.”

“It’s not okay. I do love you.”

“Get the fuck outta here with that shit. We ain’t kids no more. This ain’t how you love someone, Jamie.”

“Baby for real. I’ve always loved you. You know that.”

“Jamie, if I really knew that shit, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We’d be upstairs in my—never mind. It is what it is. You can leave.”

“I don’t want to.” He turned away and punched his hand. “Fuck! I don’t want to. You are the only woman I ever felt anything real for. I just got caught up in some shit that got me—”

“Nigga, save the explanation. I don’t need it. You clarified that I’m the fool everyone sees me as. That’s all I need to hear.”

Brushing past him, he tried to grab my arm but missed. “Baby, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You gotta believe me. I want you. I need you to hear me out.”

“Jamie, I need you to leave. I’m not good enough for you. I promise you it’s okay. That just means there’s someone else I am more than enough for.” Tears involuntarily fell down my cheeks. Those words made it more real than anything else. I couldn’t put on a harder front, not without pain showing.

“No! You don’t understand, Noelle. I-I’m in love with you, but I…” He stood there staring at me, jaw quivering.

“But you what?” I yelled.

Tez leaned against the counter, stumbling over his words, and pissing me off in the process.

“You what?!” “I’m getting married, Noe!”

Sample #2

Prologue – 5 Years Ago

Jamie

Another call sent to voicemail. 

Three days ago, I saw a heart shatter right before my eyes, and my confession served as the weapon.

Noelle wouldn’t let me get it all out. Yes, I was getting married, but for reasons that I now didn’t understand my damn self. Seeing the one and only woman who I ever loved break, broke me. 

I had engagements and meetings waiting on me when I got home, but I had my new assistant reschedule all of them.  I didn’t want to throw on a smile to cover the misery I brought on myself. 

In my mind, telling Noelle about the engagement was what made my decision real. I offered the one thing Noelle had of mine to another woman. My heart. 

For days, I locked myself in my apartment, replaying the last moments before Noelle pushed me out of her place. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s voice but hers. I needed her to understand why I thought marrying another woman was the right thing to do. She didn’t even let me explain everything to her.

Tears fell from her eyes as she did what she always did when I pissed her off, curse my ass out as she put me out of her home.  I expected to hear her mouth, but her falling apart the way that she did was the last thing I expected.  I missed every signal of hers that I meant as much to her as she did to me.

After torturing myself for a few days, I turned the TV on to drown out my thoughts. When I picked up my phone to request a food delivery, it rang for the millionth time. 

Raneesha.

The very woman I made the poor choice in asking to marry me for the sake of our situation. It was nothing but a conversation we had one night and decided it may be best for us to tie the knot. A knot that shouldn’t be tied with anyone but Noelle. 

To be polite, I didn’t decline the call. Instead, I let it go to voicemail. That seemed nicer.

“Jay, stopping acting like you not home. I hear your phone. Asshole.”

“No, you didn’t.” I hollered at the door. “That’s my neighbor. I’m not here.”

I heard her suck her teeth from the hallway. “Open this damn door, Jamie.”

I did as I was told. Raneesha waddled inside my apartment with a look that could kill.

“Neesha, I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Not in the mood for what? We have an appointment with the doctor today. You promised you’d go with me.”

I dropped my head back, squeezing my eyes shut. I had to be tripping to forget that.

“Mmm-hmm. My mother called me this morning, canceling on your behalf like I’m some fucking client of yours. That’s how you want to start things off?”

“No. When is it again?”

“In like two hours. I wanna eat lunch on the way. We’re hungry.”

“When are you not?” I stared at a woman who was practically a stranger, yet she held my future within her body. “Come sit with me. I have something to talk with you about.”

“Okay?” She looked at me sideways, which I deserved. Raneesha slowly dropped onto my sofa. “What is it? Does it have anything to do with you ghosting everyone and everything since you got back? My mom said you came home days ago.”

“I did.” I cleared my throat. From what I’ve witnessed since the day she showed up at my doorstep with a bag of pregnancy tests, Raneesha was a sweet girl. We were reckless one night amid a handful of responsible nights, and now she was having my child.

“And? What’s up?” she asked, losing patience as I tried to find the right words. 

“Raneesha, I realize I made a promise to you. What I’m about to say will make me the biggest asshole known to man.”

“Jay, what the fuck is up? Stop tip-toeing and say it!”

I caught her eyes with mine. “I can’t marry you.”

Her head jerked back, then leaned to the side. She took a few deep breaths before her face moistened from her tears. I reached over and took her hand. She snatched it back. “What…What do you mean you can’t? Who the fuck says that?”

“Neesha, I’m so sorry.”

“You were the one who put this shit in my head. Now you just gonna snatch it away like I’m someone you can play with, Jay? You got me fucked up.”

She tried to get up from my low sofa, but she got exhausted after a few seconds of effort. As Raneesha leaned back, covering her face, I tried to get closer to her.

“Back the fuck up, Jay. I’m not playing with yo’ ass.”

I surrendered, putting my hands in the air and moved to the other end of the couch. “Do you really think we’d be happy long term with how this all started? Be real with me.”

Raneesha wiped her face. “Yes. People do it all the time. Everything isn’t all fucking fairy tales and happily ever afters. Real life hits you, and you do what you can.”

“I don’t want you to get what you can. I want you to have what you deserve.”

“Jay, cut the bullshit. What the fuck has you changing your mind? You said you wouldn’t abandon your child like your dad did you. Now, suddenly, you’re dropping me.”

That shit hurt to even be accused of doing what my father did. I wouldn’t dream of ever being absent from my child’s life. No matter who the mother was.

I liked Raneesha, but we weren’t in love. We knew nothing about each other except for how it felt to make love and small things we discovered during the conversations we had over the last few months.

I liked Raneesha, but we weren’t in love. We knew nothing about each other except for how it felt to make love and small things we discovered during the conversations we had over the last few months.

“We’re planning a freaking gender reveal in a month, Jamie. Why would you pull this shit now? We’re supposed to be moving into an apartment together after that. Like, are you serious?” Raneesha’s lips trembled as she did her best to hold it together. 

She was right. We did make plans. Her eyes pierced through me the way Noelle’s did, and my eyes watered. I coughed a few times to suck that shit back up. No one needed to see that side of me. 

“Neesha, in no way, shape, or form am I dropping my responsibility to you as my child’s mother. I will be with you every step of the way. Anything you need, I will do my best to provide. Please trust me to do that much. The apartment is yours. I won’t go back on that.” I knelt before her and held her hand. She didn’t pull away. 

Placing my hand on her protruding belly, I rubbed the home of my little one. “We have a bond for life with the child we created together but rushing into something as serious as marriage will only end in demise because of its original purpose. We were only doing it for the baby, not ourselves.”

“Why do you think I don’t want this for me? Jamie, I am not gonna lie like we are what the other one was looking for. That’s because I wasn’t looking. Either way, you came crashing in, and we hit it off enough for this.” She pointed at her stomach. “I didn’t want to have a different last name than my child, Jamie. I never wanted to be someone’s baby mama. What’s so wrong with me that you have to take back your word?”

I sat back on the floor, releasing her hand. “On my life, this has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It has everything with my heart not being in it like I wanted it to be. Knowing it really is in another woman’s hands and has been way before I met you.”

“Noelle.” She spoke her name with contempt. “You told her about us?”

“All she knows is that I was getting married. That’s all she needed to shut down and push me out. She wanted more, and I crushed her hopes with a handful of words. She doesn’t know about the baby.”

“Damn. You must really love her. It’s funny how I’m the one knocked up.” Raneesha scoffed and got up from the couch. “Don’t worry about the appointment. I need to get used to you leaving me hanging. I already see where this is going. It’s fucked up, but such is life, right?”

I hopped up and met her at the door. “Wrong. I’m not leaving you hanging. I’m just taking marriage off the table. Can’t me being there for our child be enough?”

She wanted to hit me. I saw it in her eyes. The uptick in her breathing and the tightening of her mouth said so. 

“If you need to hit me, do it. I deserve it and more. But trust me when I say, I am doing this for the both of us. What good would I be to you if I’m stuck loving someone else? I won’t do that to you.”

Seeing Noelle brought back all that I tried to forget. I shouldn’t have gone to her place. If I had never seen her again, I could have possibly pulled this off. Raneesha could’ve had a husband that was in it with no distractions or regrets. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

Raneesha balled her fist and took it out on my arms and one to the chest. She screamed at me with each hit, tears running down her face. I caused another woman I cared about a pain that would take more than apologies to remedy.

No matter the time it’d take, I’d make it up to them both. That was a promise I wouldn’t break.

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